Tit-bits for your break…

Not sure whether I am wrong…

Thinking that the observations that I had made isn’t correct…

I should not do it… At least my mind will be more peaceful now…

But I did it…

How can I make my mind peace now?

Paralyze myself with some enjoyment? Yeah, I did this. It’s really fun and enjoyable during those amusement, eg. watching drama, playing games… But some of them still got some connection to the key person. The key person had affected me to do something, without ordering. But after all these, what had I felt is only the "emptiness"… Really, don’t know what had I done…

Now, think about the whole thing, feel that the decision made initially is the most important part. I am not that good in making decision since young. It isn’t better now anyway. But I still made it. I made it after a long-termed thinking. But there’re still many problems laying in front of me. Should I cross it? Or take a step backward to re-think about the whole messy trouble? By the way, am I right at the first place?

Again, I am off target. What had I planned for this holidays is study, especially my physics. However, it seems that I was playing all the day since the first day of school holidays… Really annoying… How come my learning spirit has become so poor… Even a little bit sense of study cannot be found in my mind, lately.

Luckily there’s someone reminded me what should I do actually. Not a direct point-out actually… But his/her schedule really made me felt ashamed… It’s so well-organised, and quite meaningful, at least the schedule can bring some benifits. So I have recovered, after this motivation. I swear I will start my study from the first day of December! So, good luck to me! What a short entry again…

Really don’t know why… It seems that there’s nothing fixed in this world. This idea is true anyway, though it’s against my will…

Everything seems fine since last week. I thought my observations were accurate, at least I have the confident to ensure the real situation won’t amiss that much. But I have wrong. Totally wrong. The situation isn’t so good than I have expected. Apparently I was building up a nice situation, and I was really enjoying it. But they are also building up, I dare not to say their progress is better than mine, however what I can sure is not fewer than mine. Anyway I am just… can’t stand of it. Maybe this is what we call "Jealousy"…

It’s school holidays now, so I can hardly do any observation. I don’t know their progress now. But now their progress is not quite important, the most serious thing is that, I felt our improvement seems slower. Well not just slower actually… I can even sense a negative improvement… Did I think too much? Maybe. After all their progress is just my own guessing, so what am I worrying about? But I just can’t help myself to believe my wild guessing, after noticing their actions…

Haiz… Never troubled by this type of messy problem, with full of challenges. Anyway I know, without these challenges I won’t appreciate what will I gain. So I will try my best. However, as long as the key person is satisfied, then everything is fine, no matter how’s the result at the end of the day…

Today will be the happiest day (in my Lower 6 life) for me. Now, with the most honour I declare that :"OUR YEAR-END HOLIDAYS START OFFICIALLY!!!".

It’s seems to be a joke to everyone, as this is known by everybody already. However, I just can’t against my will to announce this joyful news to everyone in this world!

Anyway this everyone seems planning their schedule differently. Most of my friends have planned to do a part-time job to fill up their free time (Well money is still the first priority…). The key person and the person who related closely to him/her are also working during this one-month school holiday. Sorry to my dear reader for mentioning them suddenly… Well, for me, because of the new target, I have decided to give up working (give up those precious money too…) and is going to study physics. Really torturing… Have to waste the precious yet enjoyable holidays in study, and also sacrifice my time to be with friends… Haiz… Sometime I even think does academic means so important to me… Is academic excellence worth enough to be exchanged by those I have sacrificed?

Generally, for myself, I think it’s not worthy, at least there’s some people for me to concern of, ie. my family, friends, etc. But how come I still willing to sacrifice? Even myself don’t know the exact answer. One reason will be definitely the attractive competition. The else… Maybe I want to paralyze myself to be apart from the trouble of feeling… Ha! What a pitiful holidays plan…

Finally I can’t stand of it! Three days… Three days already! I didn’t update my blog. It seems to be a weird thing for me. But those "mountain-like" homeworks since last week made me have to do so. Have to sit in front of my table for the whole day, doing mathematics, even now I have not finished it yet… Torturing…

However, after let my mind stop blogging for three days, suddenly I don’t know what should I blog for… So it should be okay like this… Haha, first time for such a short blog!

Quite relaxing these two days, it seems abnormal for me to be so relax. Maybe it is caused by the 5-days torturing camp (bad excuse right?). But during this replenishing period I got some special chances to think about something weird…

I wish to share this with the others, hope that there’s someone agree with me. This weird idea is : "Why should we learn grammar? It’s up to anyone to use one’s language what… As long as the others can understand what are we going to convey then there is it! As long as you are happy, and I am happy, no matter how bad our grammar are, we are happy! So why should we practice the same grammar every year in school and sit for language exam every year? Isn’t it a burden?"

Really don’t know how come this kind of weird theory will flash in my mind and even let me to think about it, deeply. But didn’t you all find that this theory seems to be making sense in some way? Although it’s quite acceptable, I bet there won’t be anyone who read this blog will agree with me. However, I have found one friend who agrees with me, then it will be okay… Just feel free to criticize this new theory which is named : "PS’s theory of unnecessary learning".

Back to my trouble of feeling again… There’s big improvement today, even better than what had I thought. But however they are also having improvement, but lower than mine. Hope that my observations isn’t misleading me, and also hope that this isn’t a happy-ended mirage. Two more days for me to observe, good luck to me!

Finally the 5 torturing days have passed, today is quite refreshing, really. So, I woke up so early and prepare to handle all of the new task. Anyway something happened to me. My head was struck, after looking at the newspaper rack which is put nicely in the living room. There are five-days news for me to read! One newspaper usually spend at least one hour in my life, what about five? Five hours! My Saturday morning has just wasted like that…

Apart of it, it’s been five days… I didn’t go to school, which means that there are five-days notes to be copied! What the hell… One day’s note is already a torture to me, five days’ note… "Armagaddon", the most suitable word I can think of. However the torture seems never end, there are… HOMEWORKS!!! My head has been burst after this five days, yet the homeworks are accumulating! And I have to study physics in holidays! How can I finish it? My goodness…

Anyway, all of this can be solved. Mental strength is relatively important during this period, and I feel so fortunate that there’s somebody supporting me. This is enough already, more challenges are still unable to crush me, I will not be scared of it! And even the trouble of feeling, has been solved a little (great improvement to me anyway). The last 5 school days will be great days for me, I wish…

Finally came back from the torturing camp. Imagine you have to learn classical mechanics in two hours, thermodynamics in 30 minutes, quantum physics in two hours and the special theory of relativity in one hout. How confusing and difficult it can be? Only the person who experienced it will know…

This kind of training is actually ‘almost’ useless. In such a short time, learning and understanding so many unfamiliar theories is impossible to me (at least), I think even Albert Einstein cannot make it too (his fans please don’t be offended). Anyway we still learnt something : the International Physics Olympiad (IPhO) and the ASEAN Physics Olympiad (APhO). Besides we have faced the most difficult physics question we ever met, even the lecturer said she had taken one and a half hour to solve it! So imagine how hard the question is ! But this has become a booster for me to improve, my next target : Being selected to participate in IPhO and APhO!

It’s just like a dream! I slapped my face hard up to ten times, and my conclusion is that I am not in a dream! It’s just a reality, a truth.

For so long I have aimed for it, and now I have achieved it. The International Physics Olympiad! Course… Although it’s just a camp to select suitable candidates to represent Malaysia to attend the real Olympiad, it’s enough for me to be happy! So tomorrow I’ll will be in Kuala Lumpur to attend this exciting yet cruel course. Imagine that so many experts in physics will be there… Excited!!!

This course will last for 5 days, from 6 Nov to 10 Nov. That means I’ll be absent for a week. Thinking of the missed class will be made in the next 5 days… I think… I think… I will still go to KL, as this is a golden opportunity. But for 5 days I will leave my friends in school, my heart feel… so bad… Hope that 10 Nov isn’t the last school day this year(I think most of you want to beat me now), leave 5 more days for me to enjoy with my friends!!! Good luck to me!!!

Now it’s almost a fortnight already, yet my trouble seems haven’t been solved. First of all I need to clarify that the trouble among three of us isn’t quarrel, of course also isn’t their fault which caused me feeling gloomy, and nobody is offended. So no misunderstanding okay?

I have been quite busy since the starting of the new school day. However I still got the chance to observe the attitude of both of them. Well the key person is now back to normal, and the situation is building up. Anyway this improvement isn’t for me only, it also happened between them, with a even faster rate. This hurt me partially(maybe greater…). I am now confused with every action they did, no matter it was on purpose or not. At least I know that, those actions are tearing my heart. Never feel such pain before this. What’s the exact situation now? Should I continue my observation? Or just simply make a big strike to get the result instantly?

Thanks to Eric anyway for making this trouble being noticed. I don’t know why, whoever heard this is doubting himself/herself whether he/she has caused me to feel bad. But somehow I noticed something, both of them seems to know that I am writing about them, even how hard I tried to cover this up with proper vocabulary, they just know that I am talking about them. But this showed me another important thing, they are starting to feel that something wrong among three of us. However, sad to say that they never do anything to solve this serious trouble, but created more and more events to hurt me…

AAAaaaa… My heart is bleeding…